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“Fear is excitement without the breath.” Here’s what this intriguing statement means: the very same mechanisms that produce excitement also produce fear, and any fear can be transformed into excitement by breathing fully with it.”  - Gay Hendricks, The Big Leap: Conquer Your Hidden Fear and Take Life to the Next Level

For the past three months, I've been wrestling with a Frankenstein monster of fears, stitched together with anxiety and insecurity, keeping me up at night with whispers of failure and destitution. Not to be dramatic... This monster first appeared when I dared to imagine a life beyond corporate America. The thing is, I had what many would consider a dream job - working from home, complete autonomy, a fantastic boss, and my first six-figure salary with 401k matching. So why was I unhappy? Why couldn’t I coast through the 8 hour days tied to my desk chair and just be grateful?

Simon Sinek's words hit home: "Working hard for something we don't care about is called stress; working hard for something we love is called passion." Day after day, I sat surrounded by passionate colleagues pouring their hearts into meaningful projects, while I struggled to maintain even basic interest. At first, I blamed imposter syndrome, but that wasn't it. I was good at my job - I just didn't care about it. This was a great job, just not a great job for me.

Steve Jobs once said, "Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do."

This realization, coupled with my growing dream to do something new, led me to one of the hardest questions we face as responsible adults: Is personal fulfillment worth risking financial stability? With a house and two kids depending on me, could I justify walking away from security in pursuit of happiness? And would I even find what I was looking for?

Enter the nightly visits from my Fear monster.

It took months to sort through these questions. As I gained clarity about the decision I needed to make and the path I wanted my future to take, the fear monster grew smaller and quieter. Until one night, I backtracked. I decided the "smart" choice was to stay another six months for the financial benefits. That night, I woke up in a cold sweat - the fear monster had grown to epic proportions. In that moment of clarity, I realized the fear wasn't about leaving; it was the thought of staying that fed the monster my anxiety and doubt.

Here's what I've learned: the body can't actually tell the difference between fear and excitement - it's all just adrenaline and cortisol doing their dance. The only real difference is the story we tell ourselves about what those sensations mean.

The next day, I made the decision. I called my manager, sent in my resignation letter, breathed my first breath of air in my new direction and immediately felt my body flood with excitement, positivity, and energy to create a new life for myself. I haven’t seen my monster since.

So next time you're feeling afraid, consider this: that anxious unease may not be warning you of impending doom, but rather signaling that you're alive, awake, finally paying attention to what matters, and ready to make the changes toward your best life.

“Ultimately we know deeply that the other side of every fear is freedom.”  - Marilyn Ferguson